Traveling Without Brandon

All I have ever wanted to do was travel and see the world. Wanderlust ranks far above having kids or owning a home. The opportunity to collect new experiences is the most important thing in the world to me. When I got serious about dating and finding a partner, it was one of those qualities that ranked highest for me.  

Of all the things I love about Brandon, his love of travel is one of the main things that motivated me to pursue the relationship further. Yet, over the past six years, we have not been able to chase our passion together as much as I would have hoped. Sure, we have taken some flights to reconnect with friends and family. There have been road trips, day trips, and even some solo escapes, but there have been no grand adventures. There have been no cross-country journeys. There have been no international trips. There have been no days finding ourselves lost in a strange city. At this point in the relationship, we have not been able to fulfill one of the main passions that drew us to each other.  

There has been lots of solo travel on my part. I have driven across the country a couple of times. I have found myself on epic road trips and smaller journeys to new cities. I have collected these experiences without Brandon standing by my side. This is something I want to desperately change.  

There is so much of the world I want to share with Brandon. I want to walk the canals of Venice with him. I want to eat tapas in Spain with him. I want to get lost in Paris with him. I want to find ourselves tucked away in a quiet pub in London. I want to explore Iceland with him. I want to see the world with him.  

When he cannot be by my side, I feel lost. As I write this, I am beginning to understand this is about so much more than travel. After six years together, I find myself depending on him. He strengthens me in ways I never imagined. He makes me feel brave and curious. It is the gifts he has given me and the things he has revealed to me about myself that make me want to explore more of the world. There is so much I want to experience with him. 

There are roads to drive, seas to cross, and air to float through together. There are moments in time begging to be collected. It is these moments that will bring us closer and strengthen our bond. When we grow old and gray, it is these stories we will tell together.  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan   

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Point B: Palm Springs

A Rainbow Full of Gays

No two shades of the rainbow are the same. Those who encompass the LGBTQ community are as nuanced and varied as the spectrum of visible light that feels so many with pride. They come in all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, experiences, socioeconomic classes, races, and religious beliefs. Standing on a corner in Palm Springs and bouncing from bar to bar, this becomes both evident and self-evident. In the friends surrounding me and those we meet, I find myself filled with my own version of pride. These are my people and I’ve denied too many of them for too long.

 Sunnylands Center and Gardens

Not far from Palm Springs in Rancho Mirage, sits Sunnylands Center and Gardens. Needing a break from the hustle and bustle of the scene, I escaped to this desert oasis to walk underneath the trees, among the cactus, and through gardens demanding to be photographed. As I searched out perfect angles and just the right amount of sunlight, I found the peace and calm that drew me here. Walking back to the parking lot, the hour or so spent here was like a breath of fresh air. Refreshed, I returned to Palm Springs ready to take on the night.

Bootlegger Tiki

Bootlegger Tiki is a masterclass in the art of the cocktail. Scanning through the seasonal menu, the options and concoctions seem boundless. In the heat of the moment, don’t get too worried. Instead, focus on a flavor profile (sweet, bitter, evenly made) and see where the road takes you. As I finished my first and began working through my second drink, I felt bliss wash over me. This is how Tiki drinks should be done.

Palm Springs

Palm Springs baffles me. Green lawns don’t belong in the desert. This place shouldn’t be here, yet here it stands as an escape for people needing a break from Los Angeles, snowbirds making their way south for the winter, and as a refuge for a more dignified crowd. Walking its streets, eating in its restaurants, and visiting many of its watering holes, I find myself perplexed and enjoying myself without understanding why. Perhaps, in the mystery, there is release and an excuse to be yourself. Maybe, this is why Palm Springs exists.

Living Here

Yet, I could never see myself living here. Without a doubt, the landscape mesmerizes. The architecture allures and nature is within reach, but, for me, it all seems too polished and put together. There is no underbelly. There is no contrast. This is a city built for the few and not the many. Taking it all in, I am left to wonder, what good is a city, if it isn’t for everyone. So, no Palm Springs, I won’t be establishing residence any time soon, but I will never forget you. Escape will always be necessary.

Be good to each other,

Nathan 

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Box in Portland, OR

Traveling Alone

One of my favorite cities in the United States is Portland, OR. Every visit has been filled with surprises and defied my expectations. On my last trip to the Rose City, I journeyed alone. This afforded me an opportunity to explore a city I had visited several times before on my own terms. For some, the idea of traveling alone might be a scary proposition. I, on the other hand, relished in the chance to stretch myself beyond the familiar and push my comfort zone.

The Impact of Rotary

Of course, my visit to Portland had a purpose. I was in town for a Rotary District Conference. Every time I attend events such as these, I am blown away by the scale and scope of Rotary’s work. From the fight to end Polio to ensuring hungry kids have enough to eat on weekends away from school, the purpose of this organization is powerful and moves me beyond belief. I have often heard it said we can move mountains if we possess enough faith. Rotary is one of those organizations that makes me believe this old saying is possible.

Day Drinking

The craft brewery scene in Portland is beyond compare. At times, it can feel overwhelming, that is until you gather with both friends new and old to invent your own beer crawl. From one brewery to the next, we meandered down city sidewalks in search of delicious beer and the best place to drink them. I wish I could provide you with a list of every place we stopped, but I suffered one of the great side effects of day drinking; forgetfulness.

Walking a City at Night

I have written about it before, but it is worth repeating. One of my favorite things to do in the world is walking a city at night. When the lights go down, a city reveals its true self. The 8-5 crowd shakes off their concerns and reveal a more honest and social version of who they truly are. The streets become crowded not with people chasing deadlines, but with escape in the company of each other. Things get quiet and chaos is put to bed. Portland revealed itself as a city worth exploring at night. From the food and drinks to the nightlife, I found myself to be completely content walking a quiet neighborhood street all alone without a care in the world.

I Am Not 22 Anymore

The morning after a night in Portland made something very apparent; I am not 22-years-old anymore. Gone are the days of recovery by noon. Now, hangovers last all day. Headaches split my head like a watermelon. Food feels like a bastard and I might as well buy stock in Gatorade. While I am not ashamed at desperate attempts to hold onto my youth, nothing exposes my age like a night out with people I barely know and being booted from the door thanks to the last call.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

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Point B: LAX>SEA>OKC>LAX

15 Months Away from Seattle

I touched down in the Emerald City on December 20th. Ready to celebrate the holidays with family and friends, this was my first trip back to Seattle in 15 months. As we made our way up I-5 through the heart of downtown, new developments were rising in every direction. Then, there it was, the Space Needle, Seattle’s most iconic structure was beckoning me home. As I looked around, in every direction I saw cranes and signs of life. Love and sadness washed over me at the same time. My city, the place I love so dearly, was not waiting for me. Time had not stood still. Life was moving on without me. I felt betrayal on my part and jealousy at the same time. Then and there, I reaffirmed my promise to get back here as soon as possible.

Brandon with His Family

Watching Brandon play the part of a son, brother, uncle, cousin, and nephew is pure joy. He exudes pure love when surrounded by his family and receives it in return. Brandon can often feel like he doesn’t deserve love and finds himself trying to close gaps in the past that may not be completely true. Of course, this is a false narrative and the love of his family proves it. His presence lights up entire rooms and darkness follows when he leaves. One day, I hope he can experience an out of body experience of sorts and truly feel this love for what it is.

Reunited and It Feels So Good

Of all the things I miss about the Pacific Northwest, the friends I made in my six years there are at the top of the list. During our visit, we were able to gather with a small group of them. Being in their presence felt so good and reaffirming. In many regards, it is as if no time has passed at all. We picked right up where we left off with the same jokes and complaints. Still, sadness washed over me again. My friends have not stood still. Their lives are moving on without me. Again, this solidified my promise to get back here.

Movies, No Excuses

Even on vacation, I make time for the movies. I am the very definition of a cinephile. On this trip, I stopped by a couple of theatres, but one of them was pretty special. My cousin and I have a yearly tradition of seeing a movie together over the holiday break. This year, we ventured to the Liberty Theatre in Carnegie, Oklahoma. It is the state’s oldest continuously operated movie theatre. Home to three screens and out of this world prices, we were in for a real treat. 

$4 movie tickets? Concessions for two at $10? You better believe it. Of course, the theatre is beginning to show her age, but it felt great to step back in time for the pure love of cinema. As we walked away from the theatre, I thought of those who built it and those who first sat in her seats. I thought about how proud they must have been for their little jewel tucked away in one of Oklahoma’s small towns.

The Art of Gift Giving

If you will indulge me in a “Trump” like moment for a second… I am the best gift giver. Okay, not the best, but a pretty darn great one. I have the art of gift giving down like science and it begins with something so small that it is often overlooked, listening. The key to giving really great gifts is listening. All year long, people drop hints about things they would like. They say want and need almost daily. The secret to being a great gift giver is listening with intention. After that, it comes down to money and waiting for their shock. You’re welcome…

Back in Oklahoma

In many regards, I am not the same person who left Oklahoma back in 2011. So many facets of my life have changed, I would argue, for the better. I am living a more honest and open life. My life has purpose and direction. No longer am I satisfied with just surviving. Now, I am focused on living fully. Now, I don’t regret my time in Oklahoma and I am thankful for the opportunity to grow up in the confines of the Sooner State. My 27 years there shaped and molded me for the better.

Small Town Life

Small town life is quiet… too quiet. Yet, there are few places I crave as much as my parent’s home. There I am afforded a rare opportunity to recharge my batteries. Far from the echoing dings of email and interruptions of work life, I can settle into the quiet and routine. This yearly holiday retreat is so necessary for my well-being, so much so that it has inspired an idea. If I am ever lucky enough to afford something like a cabin in the woods of Washington state, you better believe I will make it happen.

Uncle

Brandon’s niece called me Tio Nathan. My brother’s kids called Brandon uncle. After years of worrying about being accepted… After years of fear where toleration was the best, I could hope for… After years of wondering would I be able to come home for Christmas ever again, it happened. My partner and I were embraced and loved. I can’t fully explain how monumental this moment for was for me. I just don’t possess the words.

Leaving Home

I have been leaving my parent’s home for 17 years. For 17 years now, my mother has fought back tears. For 17 years, I have done the same. My mother often jokes, “if I knew you were all going to grow up and move away from me, I wouldn’t have had any of you!” Like any good joke, this one has a bit of truth to it. The fact that she misses me makes the moments together matter even more. As greedy as it sounds, I hope there is always someone back in Oklahoma crying for me as I fly away into the expanse.

Matt Patterson

Matt Patterson is without equal. He is a friend who accidentally fell into my life and became an instant brother of sorts. Since our Freshman year of college, we have been stuck together like glue. I cannot imagine my life without him in it. He will be the best man at my wedding and is always the first person I call with good news. To spend some time with him over the holiday season, was exactly what I needed. We always find a way to pick right back up where we left everything that mattered.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

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Seven Magic Mountains

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

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[Podcast] Box in Oklahoma

Be good to each other, 

-Nathan

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Box in Oklahoma

Different places, pieces, stories, and people comprise all that I am. Everywhere I go, I carry those destinations, experiences, moments in time and relationships with me. They stand as a memento of the past beckoning me to be present while inching toward the future. Even when traveling alone, I don’t travel alone. Brandon, friends, or complete strangers could be void from my view, still, I am not alone. They go with me wherever I go, and I love to go.

Yet, I am often reminded of where I need to be. In the presence of my family, I am reminded of my place and purpose. If they are a puzzle, I am but a mere piece. Together, we work. Apart, we don’t make much sense. From a distance, I can stand back and revel in the beauty. In the course of my life, I have often felt as if my piece were missing by choice. Nothing causes me more angst than living with this knowledge. At times, it is more than I can bear.

Of all the places I have been lucky enough to call home, Seattle is where I feel most myself. In the limits of the Emerald City, there is no trying for me. Living there, for me, is so effortless, free, and honest. While we are currently separated, there is a date in the not too distant future when we will join together again. While Los Angeles isn’t literally killing me, being away from a place that brings me such peace and comfort is to live with an anxiety I have never known.

So, I live with these experiences and a wish. I wish I could have it all. I wish I could travel, have the experiences of calling several places home, my family, the opportunities of Los Angeles, and the sheer beauty of Seattle boxed up in one package. Then, I think about how selfish that is. I am not meant to have it all. I am meant to long and learn from that piece of the human condition. There is still much to learn about myself and the place I want to call my forever home.

There is still much to learn about the place where I lived for 27 of my 34 years. Nothing has made that point clearer to me than the election of Donald Trump. Somewhere along my gravitation toward the orbit of a major city, I lost touch with the trials and tribulations of America’s heartland. While I will never fully understand what drew them to such a person, I am willing to listen and learn. I am willing to have a conversation and find common ground. I think this is the only way we can heal some of the scars and chasms that have opened up between red and blue states.

Of all my reasons to travel, the prospect of making new friends excites me the most. Most of these friends are just temporary; something that can just be held for a few hours. Still, they fill my cup and add to the story of my life no matter the level of engagement. I will never be able to remember every name. I won’t be able to remember every word. I can barely hold the faces in my mind. Yet, they matter to me, because they added to my story.

I left Oklahoma seven years ago. The next time I return I want to do Oklahoma City on my own terms. I don’t want to be relegated to a pull-out sofa. I want to experience OKC as a tourist would. I want to drink in everything that it has to offer. I want new restaurants, bars, points to gather, and opportunities to cherish. Maybe then, my opinion about the place I once loved can change for the better.

Even after all that. Even after a monumental time experiencing a city I once called home in a new way, I will return to a home on the “Left Coast.” Because this is where I feel most at home. From LA to Seattle and every place in between, this is home. It is where I want to marry. Start a life. Do good work and then one day pass on. Yet, I will still go and go often, because this life is best lived somewhere you have never been before.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

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Captured: Portland, Oregon

Be good to each other, 

-Nathan

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Box Back Home

I left Oklahoma in 2011. For seven years now, I have called the West Coast home. When I go back to Oklahoma, everything feels so foreign, so small. As a little kid from Frederick, I remember thinking Oklahoma City was the biggest place in the world. I had no concept of something like the sheer size of New York or LA. The tallest building in my hometown was and is a grain elevator. Now, I have had the privilege to travel and live in a few places. Looking backward, I see a world almost unrecognizable to me; not wrong by any means, just different.

Of all the titles I get to wear, none brings me as much joy as the title of uncle. I love flying into town with a cool story, some inspiration, and motivation for my nieces and nephews. My favorite part is watching them grow and become little human beings with opinions, interests, and beliefs. I see it as my duty to try and encourage a sense of exploration while showering them with love and attention. If they graduate high school without fear of what comes next, then I think I have done my job.

Behind a shoe store, in downtown Elk City, sits a little record store. It is part personal collection, part ambitious hope of bringing new and exciting music to small-town Oklahoma. The owner is more than happy to help you dig through stacks of records, chat music, and listen to new stuff. With the explosion and resurgence of vinyl, I hope more shops like BTB’s Records and Rarities open. The world needs more gathering spaces where people can come together and discuss their passions.

Kansas is like a fat-free version of Oklahoma; the flavor is there but something feels a little wrong. On this trip home, I headed to the flatlands for my nephew’s high school graduation. As we drove north of Amarillo into the Panhandle of Oklahoma and then southwestern Kansas, a flood of thoughts rushed through my mind. Thoughts like… Why would anyone live here? These guys know the Dust Bowl and Depression ended, don’t they? Look, another cow!

As family and friends from all over converged on the small town of Elkhart, Kansas, I began to feel like a fish out of water. 16 years ago, I left small-town America. Since then, I have grown unfamiliar with the politics, societal norms, and what passes for a good time. I am sure for some this makes me seem like a snob or an elitist living on one of America’s coasts. For me, it is the reason I left in the first place. Where I grew up feels like the antithesis of all that I am. Every time I go back, I am reminded of this fact.

The practice of high school graduation is such an odd exercise. Like most transitional periods, it marks a turn in your life from everything you were to everything you are to become. With the turning of a tassel, a world of responsibility and decisions lands on your shoulder. There may be no other activity where so much changes so fast. Being released into the wild will determine how much you learned in the last 18 years. You’ll spend the rest of your life chasing that very truth. That’s a lot of pressure to put on an 18-year-old kid.

I love going home to visit family and friends. I hate leaving them behind. I hate watching my mother walk away with tears in her eyes. I hate missing birthdays, anniversaries, parties, and gatherings for no reason other than just being together. I hate that time is getting away from me. I hate that time is getting away from those I love. I love my life and wouldn’t change it for almost anything in the world, but I hate missing my family.

Of all the things that are expected of you in this life, this easiest thing is showing up. In fact, some might say it is half the battle. No matter the distance, I have tried to do exactly that. I may miss a lot of little moments, but I am there when it counts. I am there for the moments that matter. I am there when people need to know they are loved and appreciated. I am there for the same moments I want others to be present for in my own life. It is the least I can do, but it is the thing that makes me the proudest of myself.

Time and distance have a way of changing a person. I am not the same person I was at 18 when I graduated high school. I am not the same person I was at 27 when I left for Seattle. Bits and pieces are the same, but overall, I feel like a new version of myself. When I return home, I work really hard to keep this truth at the forefront of my mind. When I go home, I work to know myself and not compromise who I am and all that I have become.

I love to travel. It is one of my favorite things to do in the world, but I love returning home to Brandon. When I cross the plain of our doorway and see his wide smile, everything is right in my world again. It is at this moment that I am reminded of my true home. Here the weight of the world can melt off my shoulders and all in the world is right again. Wherever his heart is, so is mine. Wherever he is, is home. Traveling always has a way of reminding me of this.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

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Captured (February 2018)

Be good to each other, 

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

Become a Patron!