I grew up with stories of war. From an early age, I understood my father was a veteran of the Vietnam War. My dad never hesitated to share his story, and he revealed even more as I grew older. When I finally arrived at a mature enough age, the carnage, pain, and disbelief my dad experienced became images seared into my mind that remain to this day.  

My senior year of high school, the events of September 11th, forever altered my country’s sense of self. High on patriotism and a need to satiate helplessness, answering the pleadings of a war-minded President’s call to arms briefly crossed my mind. Afghanistan seemed necessary. Iraq, not so much. Deeply questioning my country’s foreign policy sent me in a new direction. Stories of torture and photos verifying cruelty of American ideals cemented my new mindset.  

When I stared in the mirror, I did not see a person hungry for conflict any longer. I saw a pacifist, and a man dedicated to the pursuit of peace. My upbringing and the media I consumed could have delivered a more predictable outcome. Instead, they molded me into a man unapologetically for peace.  

Taking this stance, it was not long before temptation began lurking around unexpected corners. I tested my resolve in Libya, Uganda, Syria, and Ukraine. Witnessing the devolution of man play out on battlefields across the world via my television screen has made me question these strongly held beliefs of mine. If war begins when compromise ends, surely, I can find some justification for my country’s exercise of its military might.  

In all these conflicts, I still long for compromise or, at the very least, a peaceful end to barbarism. I still believe man is better than battle. I believe our common humanity can eventually persuade maniacal leaders and sycophants to the negotiation table.  

At that table, compromise often requires sacrifice or surrender. I acknowledge the threat of retaliation is often the force that draws people to such a place. This makes perfect sense to me. I just wish peace was our default setting and not some point we arrived at after unimaginable bloodshed. Ego is often the thing standing in the way. The war in Ukraine is a perfect example. It is a war being fought over past grievances that will never end until the ego of Ukraine’s aggressor shatters. War will be the hammer that shatters ego, but I cannot help wishing for a different path.  

I am not naïve. I understand the instrument of war and the results it can achieve. Perhaps I long for our better angels to rescue us. Maybe, I wish for a world that can never be because man’s true nature is violent. Still, I will never stop pushing for peace. If I want anything to come of this, I long for an overdue shift in the paradigm. I want a world where peace is the only choice and war is an impossible thing to ask of your country.  

Be good to each other,  

Nathan